


Practical Astrology

by rageprufrock



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-05
Updated: 2010-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-05 20:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rageprufrock/pseuds/rageprufrock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boys will be boys--unless they're scales or scorpions or arsing goats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Practical Astrology

Remus narrowed his eyes and set his hands at his hips. It was a move he'd picked up from the combined effects of spending entirely too much time with his mother and Lily. If last year's rumor mill was to be believed, then both, at the same time.

His lips were narrowed as he said, "Sagittarius." He sounded disgusted.

The din of the Hogwarts hallways after the last class of the day was a comforting background of white noise, and students called their hellos and farewells and how do you dos over ancient stone floors and arches. The Marauders -- "The holy terrors of third year," McGonagall had taken to saying -- were making the trek back to Gryffindor tower.

James snickered and Sirius raised one dark eyebrow.

"And what, Mister Lupin," do you find so disagreeable about Sagittarians, anyway?" Sirius grinned, in a cocky way that he'd always thought charming -- and it was, used in moderation. "We're ruled by Jupiter, you know," Sirius went on. "Kings of the Universe. We live large."

"Live fast," James cut in, and as Sirius was nodded fervently, added, "suffer from a terrible case of foot in mouth syndrome."

Remus and Peter laughed as James ducked just out of Sirius' reach, shouting, "Where's your royal disposition, Prince Black?"

"I'll royal disposition your arse!" Sirius roared back, relishing the imprecation.

After a long summer, Peter had come back pink from burn and endowed with the knowledge of what girls were hiding under those blouses. James came back with a long, thick scar along his arm from a pick-up game of Quidditch with three boys twice his age. Remus returned with six new volumes, including intimate knowledge of how to get girls to stop hiding it underneath those blouses, which he contended he'd garnered by accident by poking around his Mum's book shelf and accidentally reading a bodice-ripper, and not from any practical experience. Sirius learned to incorporate the worse "arse" into every single conversation.

He was, so far, doing spectacularly.

James whooped and ran behind Remus, grabbing the slightly taller boy by the shoulders and jerking them both about until Sirius was faced with Remus' wide hazel eyes, shining with laughter. It stopped Sirius right in his tracks and Remus smirked at that, crossing his arms over his chest and commenting, "You were saying, Mister King of the Universe?"

Sirius ignored him and glared at James over Remus' shoulder. "At least I'm not a great arsing goat," Sirius persisted. "And not a coward, either."

"'S not my fault you won't attack Remus," James said innocently.

Peter said, "No one wants to attack Remus."

Remus nodded. "Yes, and lets keep it that way."

Sirius smiled. "Always the judge, eh, Scaley?"

Remus looked vaguely perturbed. "Firstly, no, I am not always the judge. Second, scaley?"

James muttered, "Knew it, gone off his rocker, that one." Peter nodded in pitying agreement. "It was inevitable," he murmured.

"Scaley not like an arsing snake, you berks," Sirius said, throwing one arm over Remus' shoulder and the other over Peter's, putting a bit more bite into his hold on Peter, which was evident in the way that the blonde seemed to be gagging. "Scaley, like scales."

Remus rolled his eyes and extricated himself from Sirius' hold. "Ah. I see now. Though it makes no sense to the rest of the world."

"Don't be yourself, Remus," James warned, watching and amused. "Hypercritical Libras aren't liked by anybody."

"Oh, no one asked for your opinion anyway, you arsing goat," Remus said, much to James' surprise and Sirius' hilarity. He added, "And while you're over there, would you mind stinging that prat that's all over you?"

James, still slightly peeved, nodded at Peter. "Put him out of his misery."

Peter nodded, as if it was his solemn duty, and elbowed Sirius hard in the side. "Scorpio's duty. For you, James."

Sirius rubbed his side and rushed about attempting to cuff both Peter and James and missing them both.

The passerbys laughed and pointed and said, "Oh, them." For Remus, who had spent so much time and effort making sure he faded perfectly into the woodwork, it was still slightly disconcerting. But James and Sirius and even to some extent Peter lived off of the attention, and they were good boys -- something Remus would never admit to them or ever out loud. He smiled vaguely and watched the grass-stained carnage for a while as Sirius attempted a flying jump-tackle of James and made nice with the Hogwarts lawn instead.

Remus waved at a passing second-year he tutored in DADA and said loudly, "We'll be late for dinner if we keep this up."

James, Peter, and Sirius glanced at one another, and harkened by the siren song of food, called a temporary truce. They helped one another up and rubbed off the worst of the grass stains, since none of them remembered the cleaning Charms that they hadn't studied earlier that week. Remus decided to let them have their badges of pride.

He cast a sly grin at Sirius and murmured, just low enough for the Marauders to hear, "Unless, of course, our royal highness from the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black has any objection?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes and punched Remus on the arm.

Remus said, "ow" and Sirius declared, "The Most Decrepit and Arsing House of Black has objections to everything." The three other boys watched Sirius with vague amusement until he cleared his throat. "This archer, however, has none." He threw his Astronomy book at James and shouted, "Last one to the Great Hall is a Virgo for life!"


End file.
